Adonai... please forgive me for every time I didn't find You. Only now do I understand that I have been searching for You in things that charmed my eyes even though I always felt You near. I found You only when I began searching for You earnestly within me. I found You in every character trait that You've changed showing me how much I have to change yet.
I found You in every tear that I've cried unable to tell You how I felt... You were there whispering only: "I know".
I found You at the end of my strength, You carried me on Your shoulders and told me that You will never move on without me.
I found you in the gutter that I kept within me for every broken dream that I couldn't believe for anymore... You were there, gathering each one of it as if they were treasures.I found You smiling when I was rebelling against You and telling You that You overlook my rights ... You knew I was talking in pain and chose to look at me through Yeshua, believing in what I will be and not what I am.
I found You when I felt that there was nothing left of me anymore... You told me: "I AM AND ALWAYS WILL BE".
I found You when I was counting all the words I knew and although they were many I couldn't come up with a way to put them together in order to utter my prayer.... You told me that You are The Word, the only one I need to say and You won't resist me.
I found You within me when I was broken, imperfect and helpless and I can only be amazed by Your love even though I can't understand what kind of love moves You to do all this for me. It's beyond my understanding. What kind of eyes must You have to see even the insignificant good within me and treasure it? What kind of heart makes You never let go of me? What kind of strength do You posses that makes You move past my rebellion and forgive me way too many times? What kind of ears are Yours that hear all the stupid words I tell You and think them worthy to record them in Your books as if they are worth remembering? What kind of hand is Yours that holds me without getting dirty in the process? Who is like You my Lord? You humble Yourself to the extent that You allow me to find You in this messed up world of mine... Even these darkened eyes of mine can see Your greatness... even this incomplete heart of mine can feel Your love... even I can see You are worthy of praise Adonai.
Thank you HaShem for staying within me and letting me find You when I get lost on everything that's in the outside world.
Bat Melech בת מלך
Cristina כריסטינה
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