Born again

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. - John 1:12-13

I was not born again because I one day decided that this is the best way to live. Neither did my flesh come up with the brilliant solution that I should be born again. I was not born again because someone out of the blue decided to 'evangelize me' or to increase the number of his congregation. It wasn't even because a Church council decided to approve my request to become member in their Church or decided that I was changed enough and thus deserve to be baptized. Nothing like that!
Adonai carried me within Himself, not for 9 months like a pregnant woman would, but for years and years. It's been hard for Him because I wasn't an easy burden, for my sins have made it hard for Him, but He did not give up on me. He waited... and when I finally was ready to be born, meaning to know His Truth, He gave birth to me and not without pain. There are people that are born again easily, but I was not an easy birth and Kadosh Baruch Hu (The Holy One, blessed is He) endured a lot of pain to bring me to life and because He knows how He struggled to give birth to me, He does not give up on me, not even when I fail to understand what it is that He is doing.
What I am today does not resemble anything known and more than once I've heard people asking me 'what are you? you don't believe like that denomination or that one!' My answer is that I would resemble a denomination if a denomination would have given birth to me and if a set of principles would have given birth to me then I would resemble a certain school of thought, but that's not the case and because I was given birth by Adonai the only One entitled to expect me to resemble Him, is only Him.
It was not a denomination that carried me when my heart was so heavy that nothing could lift it... only The Holy One of Israel. He didn't send anyone else but He, The King of kings came personally and gave birth to me in a pain that broke His heart. He cleansed me. He cut my umbilical cord. He wrapped me up in a holy cloth. He fed me with milk. He stayed up late with me when I was sick with self disappointment. He stood by my side when I was crying my heart out and He stood by my side when I was laughing. He brought me back to life and only He can expect me to resemble Him. And that is my greatest desire: to resemble Him so much that if someone should look at me they would know I take after my Father.
I know that at this point I resemble Him so little that He always needs to reassure me 'yes, you are My daughter!' but I hope that one day there will be no need for words, because the resemblance will be obvious.

Bat Melech בת מלך
 Cristina כריסטינה