Lost

I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek your servant, for I do not forget your commandments.

- Psalms/Tehilim 119:176

I don't know of any human as lost in space as I am. Not in the sense that I'm with my head in the clouds, but literally I'm lost in space. I have no sense of direction whatsoever and as a consequence of this amazing quality that I posses I manage to get lost everywhere I go. Let me tell you, it's a joy to travel by myself. But I have come to accept this flaw of mine and I no longer judge myself for it and so it's no wonder that the verse I mentioned above is my prayer quite often.

I was in Wales for a few days with my sister and my brother in law and due to the fact that Daniel wanted to show me where we were going next, he pointed at a map and completely overestimating me, proceeded to explain our route. Not wishing to seem like an idiot, I was nodding my head as if of course I understood when in fact I had no idea what he was talking about.

There are people gifted with this quality much coveted by me, people that if they were to land on the moon they would know exactly which way to take. I, on the other hand, can even get lost in the city I was born in. Maybe someone might wonder, how come I didn't get lost for good yet. Simple. Equal to my ability to get lost is my gift to ask for directions, even if I sometimes end up asking directions to the directions I got in the first place. Be that as it may though, I always find the road I need to take.

I don't get lost because I want to or because of my weak character, or because I lack good principles, I get lost because I go through places I've never been before. It's the same with my walk with Adonai.

The verse I mentioned above is the last verse in the longest psalm that only talks for 175 verses about the writer's love for Adonai's Law, for the holy way and for the teachings that give wisdom and life. 175 verses talk about the writer's dedication and discipline in doing Adonai's will and then concludes in verse 176 “I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek your servant, for I do not forget your commandments.”

I'm not talking about sinning and turning your back to the One you gave your life to. I mean getting lost in the sense of not knowing where yo are or where you're going. Yes, I know generally that I am headed Home, but I walk a road I've never walked before and even if I know how I should walk, sometimes I find myself not knowing where I am. I don't know if this is the plan or if I have chosen to be where I am and if I chose, did I choose right or wrong? Am I where I'm supposed to be? Did I miss something? Nothing that I thought should have happened by now happened, is that normal or did I do something wrong?

Days, weeks or even months spent on a loop with the same questions without an answer. And maybe everybody else knows exactly where they're going and every step they must take and I'm the only one who's lost, but even so I still have hope. The verse above has a key for anyone that gets lost sometimes, “Seek your servant, for I do not forget your commandments.”

If I got lost Adonai, if I didn't pay attention to something important, if something distracted me and I got lost, then seek me! You know where I am. I've never been here before and I don't know what my next step should be, but You, Yeshua, You who became a path under my feet, You who lights up my darkness, You who are my Lord, seek me and when You find me, strengthen my feet on Your way, for I do not forget Your commandments.

Bat Melech בת מלך

 Cristina כריסטינה