“He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.” Devarim/ Deuteronomy 32:4
Today, I’ve been challenged to think of Adonai’s faithfulness and my conclusion was that in this relationship in which we both are and in which we promised faithfulness to one another, He was always involved with all His being, whilst I gave Him little scrapes of nothing, which instead of throwing away, He cherished as if He would’ve seen all the riches in them.
There wasn’t anybody else in His eyes but me. ..whilst I smeared my eyes looking towards things that made Him jealous and made Him sad. I lost myself countless times and just as many times I promised Him it won’t happen again, but it did…and instead of losing His hope, He remembered His covenant with me. He came to look for me every single time, and every single time He found me. Instead of leaving me to my own devices He stood by me and put up with me when I was shouting “You don’t love me!” Perhaps He would’ve liked to leave at least not to see me for a while, instead He became The Rock, and stood in one place, unmovable, to prove to me that even though I might be blown in all directions, He remains unshakable and He doesn’t leave no matter what would try to move Him. He took my face in His hands that were marked by nails that were meant to mark me, and told me that He loved me but I pretended I can't hear Him. When I left, He waited. When I came back, He received me. When I cried, He parted the heavens and came down. His Hands became comfort and He didn’t let go until I forgot why I started crying in the first place. When I laughed, He declared it a feast, and He rejoiced over me as one might rejoice over all the treasures. When I gave up, He stopped besides me and stood silent until I had the good will to see that He is still next to me and He deserves for me to carry on for His sake. My Beloved and My Lord, never had anything to gain from loving me. Every time I turned towards Him, He acted as if I never done anything wrong. Never reproaching me and all He forgave as if I never hurt Him, never even giving me a bad look. He always looked at me with the same eyes full lovinkindness, as if He always saw in me His eternal love.
When I understood how unfaithful I was, I stopped. A dear brother of mine (Ionel) once said that when you love someone, that person’s life should be better for being loved by you. I understood that it is not better for Him with the way I pretend to love Him. I wanted to tell Him to go, because I hurt Him too much and surely it would be better for Him without me, but He took me in His arms and held me so tight that he almost took my breath away. He shouted in my ears so that I could hear Him with my heart and my spirit “perhaps you can be an eternity without Me, but I can’t. I’m not letting go!”
How could I resist such love?
We’re not the “perfect couple” yet. I’m still His weaker, clumsier, all over the place half. But where I amaze by ugliness, He shines brighter to cover my shame. The fact that Adonai is faithful is not just an interesting phrase. If anyone wants evidence that He is so, they can look at me, because no one was more unfaithful than me, and I don’t think that He was more faithful to anyone than He was to me.
Bat Melech בת מלך
Translated by Emma to whom I am really grateful