I was writing yesterday about the way my earth has turned into pure desert, that I don't just go through the desert and when my desert will end and I'll reach some other form of land my state of mind will change, but I have turned into a desert. I was talking to Emma last night and I was telling her that what go through is not a depression that I can't overcome because I am too self involved, but is just a place I've reached where all I can do is be silent, a place where I don't demand my rights anymore, I don't yearn for the mountains I used to be on top of nor the still waters, it's just a place where I accept the fact that this is the road that Adonai is taking me on, it's only that the sun has burned everything in me and reduced it to sand. The reasons I am silent are few...one> because the desert is no mountain and it can't carry your echo, so you can yell as much as you want because it won't make a difference ... second> I accept the fact that I didn't end up here because I disobeyed Him and that I won't get out of here because of my righteousness, but some things are meant to be lived and only after you go through them you can say if they were useful or not... and third> I asked Adonai once to make me feel His heart and sadly He's been listening to me ever since. There is a verse in Zephaniah 3:17 that says Adonai is silent in His love ... there were many times when Adonai called me to do something and I pretended I didn't hear, or I postponed it because other things were more important to me, so what was He suppose to do with me? Kill me? beat me? Yell at me? write with His hand on the sky that it's for my own good? No... Adonai was silent in His love even though I stood condemned and now I am silent even though my flesh is condemning Him, because I love Him.
I didn't get much sleep last night thinking what can 'repair' this desert of mine and the only logical thing is rain. Yeshua said He is the Water of life. It's Him that i need. It's for Him that I am silent. It's because of Him that I'm a desert. I don't need mountains, I don't need better circumstances, I don't need cheap joys, I don't need still waters, I need the Living Water. I wait for Him with every grain of sand that I am... with everything that's dry within me I make room for Him to come and rain me blessings. I need Him to caress my sand and His touch of pure rain to transform me into a garden. I don't need Him to take me up on the mountain, I don't have my mind set on building 3 tabernacles like Kefa, I don't look for revelations greater than the touch of His rain that would bring forth fruit in me. His touch has no purpose if it doesn't transform me. If I want to be touched by Him only for the thrill of the supernatural, then i can stay on that superficial level as much as I chose and always be the same. His touch changes, whatever is sick is healed, whatever is broken gets repaired, whatever is fainting He strengthens. There is no grater miracle than to hang on to an unseen God with both your hands. I don't need to see the dead coming to life because I've felt my own death becoming life in His presence. I don't need no 'favor of God' theory nor prosperity teachings to prove me that whatever He promises He fulfills. I am not amazed by people that speak in tongues, or fall down or prophecy, or do wonders, but I am amazed when I see steadfast people that come what may, they stand with Adonai. The supernatural things are natural for God, but to see a lost soul turning to Him, now that calls for a party in heavens. There is no greater miracle than to see all things coming together to break a man's trust in God, to prove to him that his faith is in vain, but that man just won't let go of the robe he grabbed. It's not a miracle to be up on the mountain! It's a miracle to carry the mountain in your heart when you've turned into a desert.
I don't need words to lift me up because I didn't fall, I am still me just in a different form and the only thing I need it's Him... my rain, my smile, my heart... Only Him.
Come Yeshua and let Your rain touch me and then I'll bring forth fruit and You'll be pleased with me. Every grain of sand within me waits for You and I look at You like slaves look to the hand of their master, although I am Your daughter... When my sand will see You Yeshua it won't be able to not be fruitful...
אני כאן, בבקשה לבוא ישוע עכשיו אתה המלך שלי אני שלך
I thought that the desert becoming a garden after rain is just a nice theory but I found a video that speaks for itself.
And I will make with them a covenant of peace, and will cause the evil beasts to cease out of the land: and they shall dwell safely in the wilderness, and sleep in the woods. And I will make them and the places round about my hill a blessing; and I will cause the shower to come down in his season; there shall be showers of blessing. And the tree of the field shall yield her fruit, and the earth shall yield her increase, and they shall be safe in their land, and shall know that I [am] the LORD, when I have broken the bands of their yoke, and delivered them out of the hand of those that served themselves of them. -Yechezkel/ Ezechiel 34:25-27
Bat Melech בת מלך