I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek your servant, for I do not forget your commandments.- Psalms/Tehilim 119:176
I
don't know of any human as lost in space as
I am. Not in the sense that I'm with my head in the clouds, but
literally I'm lost in space. I have no sense of direction whatsoever
and as a consequence of this amazing quality that I posses I manage
to get lost everywhere I go. Let me tell you, it's a joy to travel by
myself. But I have come to accept this flaw of mine and I no longer
judge myself for it and so it's no wonder that the verse I mentioned
above is my prayer quite often.
I
was in Wales for a few days with my sister and my brother in law and
due to the fact that Daniel wanted to show me where we were going
next, he pointed at a map and completely overestimating me, proceeded
to explain our route. Not wishing to seem like an idiot, I was
nodding my head as if of course I understood when in fact I had no
idea what he was talking about.
There
are people gifted with this quality much coveted by me, people that
if they were to land on the moon they would know exactly which way to
take. I, on the other hand, can even get lost in the city I was born
in. Maybe someone might wonder, how come I didn't get lost for good
yet. Simple. Equal to my ability to get lost is my gift to ask for
directions, even if I sometimes end up asking directions to the
directions I got in the first place. Be that as it may though, I
always find the road I need to take.
I
don't get lost because I want to or because of my weak character, or
because I lack good principles, I get lost because I go through
places I've never been before. It's the same with my walk with
Adonai.
The verse I
mentioned above is the last verse in the longest psalm that only
talks for 175 verses about the writer's love for Adonai's Law, for the
holy way and for the teachings that give wisdom and life. 175 verses
talk about the writer's dedication and discipline in doing Adonai's
will and then concludes in verse 176 “I
have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek your servant, for I do not
forget your commandments.”
I'm
not talking about sinning and turning your back to the One you gave
your life to. I mean getting lost in the sense of not knowing where
yo are or where you're going. Yes, I know generally that I am headed
Home, but I walk a road I've never walked before and even if I know
how I should walk, sometimes I find myself not knowing where I am. I
don't know if this is the plan or if I have chosen to be where I am
and if I chose, did I choose right or wrong? Am I where I'm supposed
to be? Did I miss something? Nothing that I thought should have
happened by now happened, is that normal or did I do something wrong?
Days,
weeks or even months spent on a loop with the same questions without
an answer. And maybe everybody else knows exactly where they're going
and every step they must take and I'm the only one who's lost, but
even so I still have hope. The verse above has a key for anyone that
gets lost sometimes, “Seek your servant, for I do not forget your
commandments.”
If
I got lost Adonai, if I didn't pay attention to something important,
if something distracted me and I got lost, then seek me! You know
where I am. I've never been here before and I don't know what my next
step should be, but You, Yeshua, You who became a path under my feet,
You who lights up my darkness, You who are my Lord, seek me and when
You find me, strengthen my feet on Your way, for I do not forget Your
commandments.
Bat Melech בת מלך
Cristina כריסטינה
