Framed

“My dear children, you belong to God and have defeated them; because God's Spirit, who is in you, is greater than the devil, who is in the world.” 1 John 4:4 

 In Charles Dickens’s book, “Nicholas Nickleby”, the author describes a phrase scribbled on the walls of a boarding school “Fear him who formed thy frame”. I had these words in my mind all day. Who created my frame/my limits? Who told me how much I can do and how far I can go? When Adonai created everything there is, He framed it all in certain patterns. For example, the bear was created a bear and it knew from the beginning, what it’s supposed to eat and what not, where it can live and where it can’t. A bear doesn’t sit around pondering “Am I everything that I can be?” A bear understands that it is everything that it must be and it doesn’t have higher goals than being a bear. This is its frame/ its limit. Same is applicable to everything else that was created. All things have their own characteristics and limitations and they don’t “feel” the need to achieve nor become something else. Why then isn’t man the same as everything else that was created? Why can’t I just accept my limits? Why can’t I simply understand that perhaps this is all that was allowed for me to know? Why do I always feel the need to know more? Why can’t I just be satisfied with what I am? Why do I seek to grow more, to dream more, to question more? Why do I always ask myself whether I am everything that I can be? Why is someone who is born in a less privileged part of the society unable to accept their level and always aims to do better, to be more? Why is man always so desperate to break his limits and as such attempts to break record after record only to shout from the top of his lungs “I can do more!”? I never saw a horse wishing to be a leopard and train in becoming a good hunter to reach its goal. Its frame was to be a horse. But me…I can’t accept my frame! Tell me that I can’t do it and I’ll prove to you I’ll find a way to make it happen. Tell me it’s not for me and I’ll do the impossible to make it mine. Tell me I’m not enough and I’ll stretch, I’ll reinvent, redefine myself all to become more than enough. Is it out of rebellion? Who created my frame? Who am I rebelling against? I had these questions in me all day and in the end I got it that Adonai created us limitless, as He is. But the enemy came, bound our eyes and told us we are naked and weak, that we can’t, and that we are but dust. He created our frame and we carry it inside ourselves. And as if this would not be bad enough he also scribbled on the walls of our minds “fear him who formed thy frame”. Adonai comes and tells us “don’t believe what you see, believe that you can. I created you in My own image! Believe in Me!”, but I’m sitting there helpless in my frame, shaking out of fear of the one who framed me. What my enemy doesn’t know though, is that there isn’t a frame strong enough to hold me. Adonai created me limitless enough so that only His heart could contain me. And no matter what frame satan would try to put me in, it can’t contain the image of The Living One living in me. That’s why I am not afraid of the one who framed me, because I see in his frame nothing else but another opportunity for the One within me to smash it to pieces. Bat Melech בת מלך Cristina כריסטינה Translated by Emma

Faithful

“He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.” Devarim/ Deuteronomy 32:4

Today, I’ve been challenged to think of Adonai’s faithfulness and my conclusion was that in this relationship in which we both are and in which we promised faithfulness to one another, He was always involved with all His being, whilst I gave Him little scrapes of nothing, which instead of throwing away, He cherished as if He would’ve seen all the riches in them.
There wasn’t anybody else in His eyes but me. ..whilst I smeared my eyes looking towards things that made Him jealous and made Him sad. I lost myself countless times and just as many times I promised Him it won’t happen again, but it did…and instead of losing His hope, He remembered His covenant with me. He came to look for me every single time, and every single time He found me. Instead of leaving me to my own devices He stood by me and put up with me when I was shouting “You don’t love me!” Perhaps He would’ve liked to leave at least not to see me for a while, instead He became The Rock, and stood in one place, unmovable, to prove to me that even though I might be blown in all directions, He remains unshakable and He doesn’t leave no matter what would try to move Him. He took my face in His hands that were marked by nails that were meant to mark me, and told me that He loved me but I pretended I can't hear Him. When I left, He waited. When I came back, He received me. When I cried, He parted the heavens and came down. His Hands became comfort and He didn’t let go until I forgot why I started crying in the first place. When I laughed, He declared it a feast, and He rejoiced over me as one might rejoice over all the treasures. When I gave up, He stopped besides me and stood silent until I had the good will to see that He is still next to me and He deserves for me to carry on for His sake. My Beloved and My Lord, never had anything to gain from loving me. Every time I turned towards Him, He acted as if I never done anything wrong. Never reproaching me and all He forgave as if I never hurt Him, never even giving me a bad look. He always looked at me with the same eyes full lovinkindness, as if He always saw in me His eternal love.
When I understood how unfaithful I was, I stopped. A dear brother of mine (Ionel) once said that when you love someone, that person’s life should be better for being loved by you. I understood that it is not better for Him with the way I pretend to love Him. I wanted to tell Him to go, because I hurt Him too much and surely it would be better for Him without me, but He took me in His arms and held me so tight that he almost took my breath away. He shouted in my ears so that I could hear Him with my heart and my spirit “perhaps you can be an eternity without Me, but I can’t. I’m not letting go!”
How could I resist such love?
We’re not the “perfect couple” yet. I’m still His weaker, clumsier, all over the place half. But where I amaze by ugliness, He shines brighter to cover my shame. The fact that Adonai is faithful is not just an interesting phrase. If anyone wants evidence that He is so, they can look at me, because no one was more unfaithful than me, and I don’t think that He was more faithful to anyone than He was to me.


Bat Melech בת מלך
Cristina כריסטינה
Translated by Emma to whom I am really grateful